Elton John featuring Blue :)

Bukan senang nk ucap "maaf". Tengok yeow2 nih, mintak sory tutup muke :). Betape lah susah nk ucap tuh.Meh pinjam henset tite yeow2 meh :'(. Dulu, I bukan seorang yang mampu mengucapkan kate maaf. I mean atas kesalahan I sendiri. Dulu, I was just, felt the guiltiness alone, let the feeling dissappear itself. Let me uncover from the guilty feeling slowly. But now, after I met someone called "LIFE", I've changed. "He" changed me.

I always "sorry here" "sorry there". Salah ckit, sorry. Orang xsuke ckit, sorry. Sume bnd lah sorry. Lame-kelamaan, bile kite rase "ditindas" or when people "bullied" me, even if you thing ( see ) you can't bully me,but the did! I've changed- again. For the worst. I don't like when people like "pijak-kepala-me". When they can say anything they want to -to me. When they easily yell at me and etc. You know the feeling right? AND!! When people "ejek" me "Gemuk" as usual. I just can't stay still anymore. Me? No more! In your dreams! I've became more protective! Towards me, myself! You can't "usha" me with "your-"kind"-of-pandangan". I easily getting mengamuk.. (Hahaha. kdg2 xtentu psl) Sensitip lah org kate. Tp nih over sensitip. Because of my "zaman dahulu punye experience". I've became outspoken. Bahase org kampung nye "laser" lah. It is all sbb of "zaman-dahulu" tu lah.

Dulu, when I was in zaman kebodohan tu dulu,* tapi xcomot . Sbb dr kecik suke melawa (even xlawa, ye saye taw saye xlawa. Cume cantik je) I was very the penakut, ZERO self-esteem. NEGATIVE confidence level and yang sewaktu dgn nye tuh, sbb I takut when people talk about me, me sedih. Ciannye kt me! Urghhh! Hate that! Nak g naik pentas pun takut * tp I still join nasyid n jadi vocal I mean duk kt tgh2 tape plak?* Nak g ckp kt dpn pn takut. Cian lg sekali kt budak nih :(.

So skrg, if pape, I cpt bersuare. Lantang. Sebab I hate di"step". lol! Smpai orang sekeliling takut. Bukan hormat sebab kehormatan. Tapi I know, they diam because they takut. sighs.. What for? Shoot! No benefit! At all! Tapi people knew me like that. Can't reverse the clock! So this is me, now!

So MAAF? I'm sorry. Senang. Saya mintak maaf? Susah gile kot bg I. Paling koman mintak maaf dkt hp. LOSER. That is all I can nk wt cane kn? I taw, for certain people, asking forgiveness through hp is NOTHING. But for me is everything. Sebab, lps wat slh mesti lah takut kan. So I mintak maaf kt hp, then hoping that tomorrow or day after, they(pihak yang memberi maaf) will accept us in a way yang die selesa lah kan. No rush! No tense.

So as for me, we just have to follow the flow. 1-1 lah kate org. Then, after msg tuh, I WAS! trying to be so biase and nice. Sebab pepatah pernah ckp, the best apology is the good manner. But HELL no! tu neutralize kan kesalahan kite tuh, kite berbuat baik dgn org tu. The intention was there, but if things came out not as we've planned, who are we to object? Me, as a humble and contemptible slave, we just have to accept or for me. I think I have to purify my soul. Perhaps not as pure as the driven snow but merely pure.

Sepatutnye, bile dah terang maaf korang never been accepted by the recipient*erk (?)* supposedly, tu bukan lagi urusan kite kan. Korang mintak maaf from the deep of our heart, cume korang chicken kan nk call ke nk face2face ke,korang mampu bazir kedit korang jek msg dorg, they said "apology accepted" tp dorg tipu senanye belum maafkan korang. and korang found out that they lied. After that korang dah free! Korang dah xde pape mslh ngan org tuh, lantaklah org tuh nk kutuk korang dlm BELOG ke, dalam DIARY ke *kihkih* dalam FACEBOOK ke, dalam TWEETER ke.. Korang dulik hape.

Tapi bile hati xbersih, hati ade cikit kotor, lps korang dpt taw pasal tuh, membare... Hati hitam balik. Baru je nk slow2 sucikan hati nk mintak2 mnaaf bagai. Tup tup.. dan dan tu jugak korang kembali kepade state bengang! Ape kes? Adelah kecacatan dalam keikhlasan korang mintak maaf tuh mungkin. Who knows? tuh lah penting kite muhasabah diri. Ni duk reti sebut je. M.U.H.A.S.A.B.A.H tapi wasilah @ care die xtaw. Kan? :(

Bile hati dah membare dgn maraknye gare2 itu, samelah kembali seperti dahulu kala. Hatred, egoist, grudge all in 1~ Pehhh! Boleh wt movie thriller :)). Ha.. serupe lah korang xyah bazir kedit nk msg die ritu kan. Punye lah happy bile dah berjaye n mampu ungkap M A A F tu. At last, xde hasil. Ape pasaan korang???

p/s: tu opinion I about apology. What about yours ?